


Your True Self

by CopyQat



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Female Persona 5 Protagonist, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Maybe - Freeform, Not a trans story, eventually, lots of maybes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23592001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CopyQat/pseuds/CopyQat
Summary: Akira Kurusu had always been a disappointment. From the moment she was born it seemed like her parents would have preferred having anybody but her as their child, getting arrested for assault just seemed to add more fuel to the forest fire. Despite this and her naturally rebellious nature, deep down all she wanted was her parents approval, just some kind of sign that she was more than just some nuisance. She’d do anything for that…...Even if it meant pretending she was something she wasn’t, ...even if it meant doing the one thing her parents made her do that she despised the most, ...even if it meant pretending to be a boy.
Relationships: Possibly in future chapters
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	1. Someone Your Not

**Author's Note:**

> So I just finished p5r and certain elements of the story got my writing brain motivated, so I did what I normally do and stayed up all night writing this.
> 
> Please note this will not be a complete retelling of p5 and will mostly be contained to the story I’m telling. Just assume things before are like p5 or royal.
> 
> That being said hope you enjoy

Akira didn’t like the clothes her parents gave her. Or the hair cuts her parents would pay for. Or the sports clubs they made her join. In fact she didn’t like most things about her life.

She wanted to wear the bright dresses and skirts she saw other girls wearing, not the uncomfortable shorts and t-shirts. She wanted her curly hair to flow in the wind like the pretty girls on tv did, not be contained in an unruly bob cut. She wanted to take ballet and gymnastics, not play soccer where she’d be laughed at for being a crybaby.

She wanted to stop pretending to be something she’s not.

But everytime she told her parents that they’d always say the same thing. That it was “better for her future” or “better for her family.” When she would complain further they always asked the same thing, “Do you not care about your family!” The guilt this question caused would always shut her up for a while.

But how come it was ok for them to not care about her happiness, but not ok for her not to care what best for the family. Why couldn’t she at least wear what she wants when she’s inside the house where no one would see her, or go to a dance class in another town where no one they know live. She didn’t get it, and her mother and father’s responses never really answered her questions.

So no bright dresses, or long hair, or gymnastics no matter how many times she begged for them.

But then one day, when she was around nine years old, her father gave her some money. Told her it was her allowance for helping around the house, and that she could buy whatever she wanted with it. That she would get more from him and her mother if she continued doing chores without needing to be told to do them.

She knew what she wanted the moment he told her that. A dress, a bright red dress, with black leggings and bow to go in her hair. Of course she didn’t tell her father this, the moment she did he’d take her money away, so instead she devised a plan.

Akira worked her butt off cleaning the house, washing dishes, and doing laundry. Then once it was done she would go to her parents to collect her reward. Once she had gotten enough money she hid it, and proceeded to throw a tantrum. She yelled and screamed about losing her hard earned money and eventually her father gave her the amount she said she “lossed.”

Once she had gotten it she waited until both her parents had to go to work early and snuck out of the house to the nearest clothing store. It was still early by the time she got there so the store was practically empty. She gathered her items and brought them to the register where she faced her next problem.

The town she lived in was not that big, meaning that everyone knew each other so of course the cashier knew who “he” was. And of course the nice cashier lady asked why who she presumed to be a boy was buying clothing meant for girls. Luckily she thought that far ahead and replied that her parents wanted her to buy a gift for her cousin’s upcoming birthday.

Unfortunately she did not think far enough ahead to think of a name for said non-existent cousin, so when the cashier asked for her name, she slowly replied, with a deepened voice the first name that came to mind “Nnnnanako…”

“Your cousin has the same name as Dojima’s daughter?”

Giving a hopefully convincing smile she quickly nodded.

“Well isn’t that a coincidence” Cashier lady laughed, before handing her the bag full of clothes, “I hope she likes them, have a nice day honey.”

On her way home she stopped by a game store and bought a video game with the money she tricked her father into giving her. She knew her parents well enough to know if she suddenly didn’t have her allowance with nothing to show for it they’d get suspicious, even before her fake temper tantrum.

Once she got home, she stored the change she got from her purchases in her piggy bank, and placed the new game on top of her playstation. Then she turned to the real treasure of her excursion. Putting on her new clothes she looked in the mirror.

She couldn’t keep the smile of her face. The dress, the leggings, the hairband (her hair was unfortunately not long enough to tie a ribbon into), they made her look pretty. They made her look like an actual girl, and she loved it.

Over the next few months she’d only put on her girly clothes when she was sure her parents wouldn’t be home for a while. Akira would then go to her family's cd cabinet and take one of her mother’s musicals and sing and dance to the music. Those times were when she truly felt like herself, when she truly felt happy in her own skin.

...Then one day she made a mistake…

She came home from one of her soccer team’s practices. She was tired but her parents told her they would be out all night, how could she pass up an opportunity to wear her dress for that long!

So she put in the musical like always and spent her time like she normally did on these days. And then her eyes began to feel heavy from dancing so much after practice and she told herself she’ll just have a quick nap. What could go wrong.

The next thing she knows her parents are yelling at her to go upstairs and change. And then she’s standing in front of them with tears streaming down her face and her dress clutched tightly to her chest being yelled at. Being told that her parents never wanted a daughter, that they wanted a son. Being told how worthless she is to them as a girl. Being told the most she could do as she wants to be, as she’s happy being, was to marry someone rich and powerful.

And then they ask her what her choice is. And then she was handing them her dress. And the sound of fabric being torn apart fills her ears…

And on that day something breaks in Akira Kurusu.

She stops complaining about having to wear boys clothes. When she hits puberty she doesn’t complain about how the binders make it hard for her to breathe. She doesn’t even complain when she watches her hair being cut.

She doesn’t stop hoping though. Hoping that one day her parents would let her grow out her hair to the length she wants, they eventually let her take dance classes after all… Hoping that one day she can stop hiding behind the mask that her family made for her.

But until then she’ll just live as Akira Kurusu. The shaggy haired quiet boy who is the fastest on the soccer team, with excellent grades and no friends. After all if that’s what makes her parents love her, who is she to argue…

Then one day they let the students leave early, and she hears a cry for help.


	2. A Cozy Cafe And Crowded City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving from the country to the most populated city in the world was going to be tough no matter how much she prepared.
> 
> But maybe it’s not so bad...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was considering flowing the original p5 story, but I think royal’s would lead to more interesting character interactions

Akira was… conflicted to say the least.

On one hand she was being forced out of her countryside home, and being forced to move to Tokyo. The most populated city in the world and her, a kid from small town Inaba, was moving there. Like most of her parent’s ideas she hated it, but they said that they could only find a school that would accept her there (Honestly she thought they just wanted to be as far away from her as possible).

Though on the other hand she was moving to somewhere new, where no one could possibly know who she was. She was initially hoping the whole getting arrested and being forced to move would be enough to finally convince her parents to let her stop crossdressing, but that hope was crushed the moment her father reminded her to pack her binders. Now she was just hoping to make some friends.

When she was a child most of the other kids thought she was weird for being over emotional. She didn’t exactly blame them, most of the other boys had kept their emotions to themselves, yet there “he” was crying over literal spilled milk. Then after… that day, she just kind of shut down and closed herself off all together. It was better that way she thought, the less people she knew personally the less likely her secret being revealed was.

But maybe now she could actually make friends, after all she had gotten better at hiding who she really was. Her voice was, lucky enough, naturally pretty deep, so making it sound like a man’s voice just meant keeping it as low and quiet as possible. As for her body, wearing binders and clothes a few sizes too big made it easy enough to hide.

Still if anyone found out… well she wasn’t entirely convinced her parents wouldn't just disown her as soon as they found out.

She took a deep breath. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about such things after all. Looking up she saw the cafe where, if the postman was to be believed, her new guardian currently was. She didn’t know the man, and as far as he was concerned she was a boy who had assaulted someone, so she wasn’t expecting the warmest welcome.

Bracing herself she stepped into the cafe, where she saw an elderly couple sitting in a booth, and a man who looked only a few decades younger than them behind the counter. He mumbled something to himself as the couple talked about what was on the tv.

Once the couple left the man turned to her, asking “So… you're the guy, huh.” She looked at him and nodded, deepening her voice to keep up the act, she added “You’re Sojiro Sakura then?”

He nodded and began going over her situation, not once mentioning her gender. She wasn’t surprised in the slightest, the only people who knew her real gender were her parents and the doctors present at her birth. Her father went as far as to change it on any and all id he could.

While talking he said, with a sarcastic smirk, “In other words they got rid of you for being a pain in the ass.” She felt her stomach drop at that. She knew he likely didn’t mean for it to hurt as much as it did, but deep down… deep down she believed him. Deep down she truly believed if they could take back her birth her parents would, without a second thought.

After he was done talking he brought her upstairs where he explained “This is your room.” It was… messy did not describe it. She mentioned as such, to which he told her she’d have to clean it up. “I’ll be leaving after I lock up each day, so you'll be alone at night. Remember, if you try anything stupid I won’t hesitate to kick you out.”

Akira didn’t show it but she couldn't have asked for anything better. Sure it wasn’t a house but being completely alone at night meant she didn’t have to wear her binders 24/7, which would be a literal breath of fresh air. The only problem with this arrangement was how she was going to bathe, but she’d figure something out.

Once Sojiro went back to work she changed into a pair of baggy sweatpants and sweater big enough to hide what a normal t-shirt couldn’t, and began cleaning. After she was done Sojiro came up to give her a journal before leaving. She waited a few minutes to make sure he actually left, during which he called and asked her to flip the open sign.

She couldn’t help but chuckle when he mentioned never having a guy’s phone number saved to his phone before, if only he knew. She did what he asked before finally taking off her binders and lying in bed.

She set her alarm for earlier than necessary so she’d be able to get dressed without having to worry about him walking in on her. Before she shut off her phone she noticed something odd. A weird eyeball app she thought she got rid of that morning. Deleting it, she closed her eyes prepared to slip into blissful sleep.

Today wasn’t amazing but it could have gone worse. Akira could only hope tomorrow would go just as well. A thought entered her head before she completely fell asleep.

_Maybe I should have just minded my own business..._

\---------------

The next day went by smoothly. All that really happened was her being warned about making trouble before being given her student id. The only thing that caught her attention then was what looked like a flyer her teacher set her id down with, before she promptly snatched it back up.

She wasn’t really paying much attention at Shujin. Her thoughts were stuck on the weird dream she had last night. She couldn’t remember much but what she could remember felt unmistakably real.

She remembered a blue prison, a man with a long nose, and a pair of twins. They were talking about… ruin? Something like that. There was one thing she remembered with perfect clarity. Before she woke up the man looked her in the eyes before saying “Though as you are now, you may not be able to prevent the ruin, even as a Trickster.”

Akira shook her head, it was just a dream after all. She looked to her right and asked her new guardian something she had been meaning to ask since she met him. “Why did you take me in, in the first place?” 

Sojiro turned to face her, his eyes wide before shifting to a face more sympathetic. “You just…” he turned back to the road, hardening his features. “A customer of mine knows your parents and I just… happened to agree…”

That… sounded like a lie, but she wouldn’t push it. She knew herself that sometimes it was best to keep secrets as such.

By the time they got back to Leblanc it was way past closing time, so Sojiro locked up before leaving her to her own devices. Getting comfortable, Akira slipped into bed and closed her eyes. It was probably best for her to get to sleep as early as possible.

Akira Kurusu was making “his” school debut the next day after all.

\---------------`

By the time Sojiro came to open the shop she was ready to leave. He looked at her with wide eyes and commented “You're up early.” She got up from her seat in the booth and said “I wanted to make sure I wasn’t late.” 

Before she could move to leave, he put an arm on her shoulder “Come on sit. The least I could do is make you something to eat.” She was going to protest but the look in his eye told Akira he wouldn’t take no as an answer.

When she was finally given her plate, she eyed it curiously “Curry?” Sojiro gave an offended look before saying “What? Just eat it.” She looked back at her plate and put a spoonful into her mouth. And then another. And another. Gods the curry was delicious. She commented so before she left, which Sojiro responded with a small smile and thanks.

The trains were as crowded as they had been when she was taking them to get into the city and she hated it as much as she did then. Needless to say the fact it was raining when she got out of the subway did little to improve her mood. Stepping under cover to avoid the rain she checked her phone for directions.

While she was doing so another girl stopped next to her to avoid the rain. Turning she saw the moment the other girl’s golden hair tumbled out of her hood and Akira couldn't help but stare. She was just so beautiful.

Before her brain could tell her to stop staring the other girl looked over and caught her. Akira could feel her face turn bright red, but just as she was about to look away the other girl smiled at her. Her face only got even warmer at that.

Her gaze was finally broken when a car pulled up honking its horn. The man inside asked the girl if she wanted a ride to which she accepted and then offered her the same. She politely declined, she needed to memorize the route to school anyway.

Before they drove off she got a look at the girl in the car. She looked… uncomfortable. Akira couldn’t help but get the gut feeling that something was wrong. Before she could think on it any further a ping from her phone caught her attention. Looking down she saw the weird eyeball app opening itself up. 

_Why does this stupid app keep-_

“Dammit!” She looked up to see a boy with blonde hair looking in the direction the man’s car drove in. “Screw that pervy teacher…”

“Pervy… teacher?”


End file.
